Because Of You
by Casey Crowe
Summary: A collection of small Naminécentric drabbles based on the same song... yeah, my summary skills are definitely lacking. Angstfest. If you're into depressing fics, this might be your ticket. Rated mainly for safety.
1. Foreword Note

**Hmmkay, so I'm trying something a little different -- a series of little song-drabble things based on different stanzas of one song (or more specifically, one line from one stanza... you get the idea). I actually started this back in November or so during some free time on my really creaky old computer (Windows 95s will rule the retirement home), ergo, I may not be able to pick up the last two (three?) chapters in quite the same way I did with the first three. I'll try my best, though. And yes, this **_**is**_** based off a Kelly Clarkson song. If you don't like the song, then just ignore the lyrics at the beginning of the chapters- that's virtually the only place it'll show up at all.**

**Anyway, let's see if this little angstfest actually helps me get back into my KH swing, hmm? Without further rambling... Because Of You.**

**- Salem**

**PS: Unoriginal titles ftw.**


	2. Misery

_i will not make_

_the same mistakes that you did_

_i will not let myself_

_cause my heart so much misery_

_i will not break_

_the way you did_

_you fell so hard_

_i've learned the hard way_

_to never let it get that far_

"You're going to meet your hero soon, Naminé; are you happy?" Marluxia's voice was cold as he sat behind me on the bed, raking his fingers through my hair -- not at all gently, might I add. I fought to keep myself from wincing, continuing to draw the spiraling staircase Sora would need to use, in order to reach... no, no, I didn't want to think about it. I couldn't. I _wouldn't._

... But I _wanted_ to.

Wretched hope... I wanted him to come, I wanted to meet him in person so very badly, look into those eyes I'd drawn so many times before, touch the same face, watch the light _(nonlight)_ glance off the Keyblade... before...

... Before...

"No," I whispered, as the cold shock of reality struck me -- hit me the same way Larxene like to hit me if she was in a bad mood and thought I wasn't cooperating. Marluxia tensed against my back; the hand resting on my shoulder tightened painfully.

"What was that? You're not _happy_ you're going to meet your little _would-be_ lover?" His tone was part surprise, part mockery, and entirely sinister. He was working toward something; he and I both knew it. I ducked my head, trying to rid myself of his free hand as it wrenched through my hair a second time.

"Nothing," I murmured, eyes lowered. "I didn't mean -- I meant -- I'm sorry."

He chuckled. "You're not." A third yank. I couldn't help myself; I flinched. The bedsprings creaked noisily as he got to his feet, boots thudding loudly against the floor as he walked around to the foot of the bed and crouched, forcing me to look directly at him.

"Your hero will come, Naminé. And when he does, I will slash him to ribbons, and you will watch every moment of it... I forbid you _not_ to."

Smiling gloatingly at my stiff silence, he stood and stalked off. I didn't move until the echoes of his footsteps had faded away beyond the closed doors; then I hugged the sketchbook to my chest and curled up on the bed, dragging the sheets over me and staring unseeingly at the white wall across the room.

"Sora," I whispered, feeling a tear run slowly down my face. "Sora... please don't come."

**((cause my heart so much misery))**

_A/N: Blah, does this actually classify as angst? Anyway. T__his is pretty short -- I think most of them are -- so don't expect any huge, three-thousand-word chapters, mmkay? I don't think I can stretch anything like this that long, anyway. xD _

_Sooo... liked it? Hated it? R&R (as always) -- maybe the following chapters will get better (or worse, haha)._

_- Salem_


	3. Trust

_because of you_

_i never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_because of you_

_i've learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt_

_because of you_

_i find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_

_because of you_

_i am afraid_

"So _this_ is the Memory Witch, huh? Not very impressive." I glanced up uncertainly at the not-entirely-familiar voice that rang out across the room; I'd heard it once or twice in the hall outside, but never seen the face to match it. A thin man in an Organization cloak stood just inside the door, watching me with a visible combination of curiosity and contempt. Overall he was a bit of a visual jolt, especially after seeing nothing but black and white _(and pink and blonde and _red_, because even Nobodies bleed, and Larxene had made sure to prove it to me)_ for days on end. The visual effect was almost explosive, to say the least, with that violently red hair and those startlingly green eyes -- _like poisoned apples,_ a chill voice whispered at the back of my mind, and I supposed it was probably just the aftermath of Larxene making idle threats about poisoning my food. (_"Not enough to kill her, Marluxia, just enough to teach her a lesson in respect."_) That, perhaps, and reading a slightly battered copy of _Snow White_ that Zexion had brought me at random one day, murmuring something under his breath about "even memory witches needing to read" before he departed as hastily as he'd arrived.

Even with all the "warning signs" of sorts, I instinctively shot the newcomer a reproachful look before catching myself and swiftly returning to my drawing; too late, though, he'd seen it and (_ohgodnoplease)_ he was probably just like Marluxia and Larxene _(even if he doesn't do anything, they will, if he tells them)_ and I was in so much trouble. Stupid, stupid me...

To say it came as a shock when he laughed would have been an understatement. I even dared to look up long enough to see that he was walking toward me. I started to look down again, but what he said next caught me off-guard as well.

"Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?" I frowned, raising my eyes to his and then lowering them again.

"That." I looked up just in time to see him give his arms an odd flail, like a hyperactive child trying to overexaggerate a shrug. "When you look away like that. It bother me."

"Does it?" I blinked up at him -- he wasn't very far away now -- but automatically looked away again when he stared back. It wasn't my fault. Really. "I'm sorry, then."

I stubbornly told myself not to bother looking his way anymore while I rummaged through the box of crayons, looking for that particular yellow I needed to draw Sora's sneakers. After a moment's thought, I hesitated, frozen in the act of outlining the first shoe. "So... who _are_ you, exactly?"

He snickered. "Axel. 'Number Eight' to the Superior. 'The Flurry of Dancing Flames' when you really wanna get technical. 'That flaming bugger' to pretty much everyone else. Got it memorized?"

I managed a giggle, staring hard at the outline of the second sneaker for a moment before scowling faintly and rounding it off a little more. After a long moment of silence, my curiosity got the better of me and I glanced up at him again, smiling just a little -- carefully. He grinned at this, a teasing light flickering in his eyes. "I got you to smile. Score. Betcha the _other two_ don't do that very much, huh?"

My face fell back into a sombre expression instantly. "Never," I mumbled, picking up a black crayon to adjust the antennae on a Heartless. Axel started to speak again, but then the soft _whoosh_ of a Portal to Darkness whistled through the room. Startled, I looked behind me; Marluxia stepped out, looking thunderous. I cringed inwardly. _How much did he hear?_

"Axel." His voice was terse; he'd heard a lot. "Outside. _Now_. As for _you_, Memory Witch..." He turned on me, sneering. "I'll leave Larxene to deal with you." No sooner had he spoken than a black-gloved hand clamped down on my shoulder from behind me. The voice that greeted me was about as friendly as Axel was waterproof.

"Hello, Naminé."

**((i find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me))**

_A/N: Some people would get motionsick if they looked up and down as much as Naminé did in this fic, I think. xD; Ah well. Some of the sentences seem really awkward to me because I changed them at the last minute -- reread them and realized they didn't make sense, or I was repeating myself. Hopefully it isn't as obvious to everyone else as it is to me. Not sure._

_Final note... does anybody else notice that in CoM, Axel lets Marluxia push him around quite a bit despite ranking higher than him? xD; _

_R&R, s'il vous plaît!_

_- Salem_


	4. Lost

_i lose my way_

_and it's not too long before you point it out_

_i cannot cry_

_because i know that's weakness in your eyes_

_i'm forced to fake_

_a smile, a laugh, every day of my life_

_my heart can't possibly break_

_when it wasn't even whole to start with_

Today, I was going to do it.

I was going to get away. Escape. I was going to free myself from Castle Oblivion -- funny that my creation would also be my prison -- and start over.

Freedom was so _close_ -- I could sense it. It was just beyond that door... as it had been the door before that, and before that... no matter. I knew that this time, I really was going to make it. I couldn't hear anyone patrolling anymore. I could almost hear the sound of the breeze gusting around the crack in the doorframe. _I'm going to make it..._ I stepped forward and pushed the door open, smiling hopefully.

The smile died. There was another room ahead of me.

I stood back for a moment, feeling disappointment surge through me; how could it be that the very castle I myself had made was not only a prison, but a maze to me?

But... I had to get out of here. I had to. There was no time; Larxene and Marluxia had probably figured out that I was getting away by now, had probably found my room empty and my sketchbook gone. They were likely searching already. I had to move on before they caught up with me.

Drawing in a trembling breath, I walked quickly across the high-walled room, scanning every inch of space for an exit.

There it was. And... and those double doors looked different from the others.

If I had had a heart, it would have stopped beating just then. I was in the entrance hall.

Reckless abandon seized me; I sprinted for the exit. Every footstep echoed; the din was as loud as thunder, it seemed, but I didn't care. I was free, free, _fr-_

"Stop _right there,_ Naminé."

The instant I heard the words I stumbled out of sheer surprise, hitting the floor hard as I scrambled to turn around. Larxene was standing in the doorway I'd just left, smirking; too late, I saw the kunai in her hands, and there was a flash of sudden movement. I barely stifled a squeal as one of the knives whistled past the side of my face, just barely brushing my ear before embedding itself in the wall.

"Idiot girl," she snapped, striding toward me. I jumped quickly to my feet. "Did you _honestly_ think you could escape from us?"

I shook my head desperately in the negative as I inched backward, expecting to touch one of the doors; if I did, I could probably get it open and get out, even if I ended up getting hit with a kunai or two in the process.

Instead of one of the doors, however, my back collided with something else... a something that felt a _lot_ like an occupied Organization cloak. I turned my head slowly and looked up at Marluxia, feeling the slightest tremor run down my spine as he smiled down at me cruelly.

"Dear me, Larxene, it seems the little _princess_ had gotten lost in her own castle," he said silkily, reaching back to pull open the double doors I'd been hoping would save me from... well, this. Hopelessness crashed down on me in waves as he spun me around to face the open doorway, keeping my shoulders gripped tightly as he waited for me to realize my error.

The space beyond the doors was not the barren, rocky yard of the castle.

It was my room.

**((i lose my way))**

_A/N:_ _Whoaaa, dude. xD Mindfuckery... it's actually rather fun to write. Who knew? _

_Also, I'm pretty sure the story was that Naminé made Castle Oblivion, but I'm not a hundred percent sure -- anyone know?_

_By the way... it's probably obvious that even if Naminé had gotten outside, she still would have been caught. I think Larxene's faster than her. However, if you've ever been in a similar situation (ex: end of a day at school) then you're under the impression that even if you just get out of the damned building you'll be safe, even though there're still fifteen minutes of class left and the teacher's going to come looking when they realize you're not still out in the hall "getting a drink"... well, this is pretty much the same thing, I think. xD;_

_R&R, please 'n' thanks._


End file.
